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Today I bought myself a journal. First time I have done that. I am going to start recording the events of my life, for personal evaluation and improvement purposes.

My name is Reanna L. Symbolski. Mark, from human resources, calls me Rea. My occupation: courtroom stenographer.

Perhaps I should title this journal with something other than my name. Something such as “A Portion of My Life”, or “Me”. I am not really sure, but maybe it should reflect who I am. Well, after much non-existent debilitation, I have easily observed that the majority of my existence is devoted to my occupation. Honestly, it doesn't matter, my work is plenty fulfilling. Now, Mr. Journal, a certain question may be sliding through your papery brain and may metastasize on this page unless I address it at once: “Don't you just record what people say in a courtroom, verbatim?” Well, to quote a younger (and possibly hipper) member of the jury yesterday in court, “Say Whaaat?”. What does 'verbatim' have to do with stenography? The word itself comes from Greek: stenos, meaning narrow, and graphe, meaning writing. So I am a narrow writer! But nowhere does it ever state 'verbatim'. 'Verbatim' has its place in ordinary life, but not in the court room. My job description never mentioned 'verbatim' - the closest related candidate that could function even meekly as a replacement to that innocently misleading word would be 'transcribe', and, being a word of greater relevancy (you'll see why soon), it was present in the job posting at least seven times. Let me tell you about 'transcribe': transcription is the conversion of speech into a written form. And a conversion is “an event that results in a transformation”, according to this dictionary I have lying around that had its cover stripped years ago. By the same dictionary, a transformation is “the act of changing in form or shape or appearance”, and so for me, the form, shape, and appearance of speech is changed as part of my job. Wait, Mr. Journal, you say you do not understand how I can go around changing the form, shape, or appearance regarding court proceedings? Well, hopefully my rebuttal will not give you a cranial aneurysm, since it may realign how you think of the people within the courts: I change the form, since speech is spoken, and text is read. I change the shape: text is arranged in neat rows, speech flows with the ideas it expresses. Coincidentally, I also change the appearance of speech: does someone talking look like a paragraph to you? Didn't think so, Mr. Journal. If so, I think you should become a court typist. But it's hard work, and I enjoy it to a far degree, more than you, a boring old set of paper mercilessly bound together. I have no other relationship, and no life – scratch that - I have a life, and it is in the courts. Therefore, Mr. Journal, you shall be titled after me: Confessions of a Courtroom Stenographer: My Arduous Efforts to Transcribe the Straight Speech of Crazy Convicts, Judicious Judges, and Limitless Lawyers.

Lawyer: “We have evidence to believe that your organization took advantage of its strong position in the market, and together with the unregulated price of electricity, have intentionally reduced generation capacity in order to drive up the market price. Were you aware of this practice within your organization?” ¹

CEO: “I am not aware of any wrongdoings on my part of the company. Everything I did was in the interest of the shareholders.”

What pathetically boring masses of humanity. The above is how the chief executive officer of the company in question responded to the plaintiff's lawyer. Apart from the CEO beating around the bush, the lawyer using the most monotone language that this courthouse has seen yet, and the jury mildly gasping after hearing a possible sinister source existed of meticulous meddling prowess so as to make their precious power missing in action for their hairdryers and block heaters – after all that, the squalid people in that similarly squalid room downtown, their emotion maxed out at minimal, and their establishmentarian language dominated and forced the weight of the air upon our heads. To partially alleviate the sordid hang of the words, and to help the lawyer and CEO get their point across more effectively, this is what I, the stenographer, transcribed:

Lawyer: “Is it true from your offices with a view do you reduce like the deuce the very juice loose from the noose tied to the withered vined power lines to shower the citizens, within the roost of their homes with undependable power to make your pocketbook flower?”

CEO: “Beyond infinite starry skies, the melancholy, oh my, runs me down with the force of a leaden balloon, silently falling to the land, much to the unawares of my sore and manipulated emotions far below. For now, my responsibility lies within the cosmos of self, and not the innards of others.”

Okay, Mr. Journal, I feel you complaining again, so here is my explanation. That CEO looked like he had a deep anguish within him, perhaps related to the simple fact that he emphasizes money more than anything else in life. I assisted in taking the whole of his brief speech, and converted it to the mean of his words and delivery, which, let me tell you, the delivery hit it right in the gut more than the words themselves ever could. Heck, I could even omit any mention of the haughty holders of stinkin' stock, since he was one of them, and with the company's stock at an all time low, I transliterated his direct self-interest as a shareholder into deep and wounding melancholy. Ha! I was accurately transcribing his speech – and that is what every stenographer should endeavor to accomplish. (And to you Mr. Journal, if your unintelligent paper brain is wondering, the leaden balloon represents the CEO's company stock going down the proverbial tubes.)

Oh, you are at it again you untoward bundle of paper. I was just about to wrap up this entry, seeing as it is practically the next day and I am just one sleep away from some sweet Saturday overtime pay. To quickly inform you of why the transcription of the lawyer's question contains a ludicrous amount of rhymes: every lawyer aspires to be a poet², just like the prolific lawyer-poet hybrid known as Armistead C. Gordon.³

My life has taken an unexpected turn for the better. I have, yes, been promoted - to the supreme court. That is supremely cool! Anyways, here is how it happened: My shift had freshly ended, and Mark approached me with a quizzical look, not entirely unlike he was about to ask a question.

“The archivists think you do a top notch job,” he started, “they find your transcripts very entertaining.”

The archivists? Near-seniors sporting librarian glasses and generally afraid of sunlight? These thoughts felt prohibitively dry. I remained silent in the hopes that Mark would continue flapping his management chops and otherwise purge my brain of the thoughts that were wriggling in my head.

“So. Yes. Well, news has trickled down of a position higher up being vacant, in the supreme court. And Rea, it appears you have the skills to fill the role.”

I took the job being offered. I am all packed, I just have to put this journal in a safe spot. Hmmm... There is some room beneath that small collection of movies that I hardly ever watch. Well, Reanna L. Symbolski is going to the feds, and cannot wait to see you there, Mr. Journal!⁴

4The lack of entries after this point indicate that Symbolski never unpacked her miniscule movie collection, and thus never saw her journal again. What a shame, since some great comedic potential was lost in exploring the transformations of supreme court judges' statements. Perhaps this is a general reflection of meaning in modern life: that we force too much emphasis on one's career, putting other life pursuits on the back burner (as represented by losing the journal). Symbolski appeared to be an individual with much human experience and emotion, except directed towards a rather exotic occupation to express it. The journal would have been the first step in increasing her self awareness, but such a reflective and philosophical pursuit was put on the backburner - as is usually done by most people nowadays. Strangely similar to how these footnotes are in smaller print than the rest of the document... and folded up at the back... oh great, this composition has just become self aware. Time to flip the page...